1 Sam 31. notes from the LAB "Saul was tall, handsome, strong, rich and powerful but all of this was not enough to make him someone we should emulate. He was tall physically, but he was small in god's eyes. He was handsome, but his sin made him ugly. He was strong but his lack of faith made him weak. He was rich but he was spiritually bankrupt, he could give orders to many but he couldn't command their respect or allegiance. He looked good on the outside but he was decaying on the inside. A right relationship with God and a strong character are much more valuable than a good looking exterior."
This resonated with me today. I can relate to this but from the opposite end of the coin. I have always been very concerned with character and right relationship, to a point of such intensity (an intensity that I carry over into everything I am passionate about) that I really struggled with the balance of caring for the "exterior". In some ways, due to my upbringing (I had a mom who wanted to keep me as plain and unattractive as possible because she feared a future of promiscuity on my part like she had on hers), and also due to her comments about other people (regarding vanity, shallowness, and obsession with externals) I grew up with this underlying feeling that it was sinful to be so pretty that people noticed you. May sound crazy but it's true.
And then, as a low self esteem developed for me, it snowballed. I felt self conscious, therefore I ate disappeared into the world of books to self medicate, and of course the weight continued to pile on and the self esteem continued to go down. This has been the story of my life.
But God has recently been teaching me to love myself. The way He made me, whether I'm overweight or not... I need to love myself now. I used to think loving oneself was sinful too.... but now I realize it is essential to a healthy and purposeful life. It's crazy how long it takes to learn these life lessons!
The other thing that I am learning is that if I am going to love myself I need to take pride in myself. Not a sinful pride, but a healthy, confident, satisfied, I am happy with the choices I am making kind of pride, and I need to respect myself enough to nurture my beauty. I recently read that "being well dressed is the nicest form of politeness." and I just found that inspiring and beautiful! I realized that there are many very different ways to look at it as just plain old "vain and shallow and consumed exteriors". (of course it seems silly that I couldn't see that before, but that's how it is when convictions are planted in your head at a vulnerable age).
The other thing that I am seeing is that I have less fear of being noticed when I feel presentable and lovely. Then I don't MIND being noticed, but normally I live in absolute anxiety of being noticed because I feel so horrid and ashamed of myself.
I got all fancied up for Valentines day in formal wear and fancy hair. This is a tradition of ours, we eat a fancy meal by candlelight and then dance together, drink some wine and watch a romantic movie. This Valentines my husband said the only gift he wanted from me was to see me like that more often. That really clinched this whole journey I've been on. So my gift to him is to embrace my femininity, nurture it and practice this form of politeness to him, myself and the world. :)
Like I said, opposite side of the coin from Saul's experience, but this is mine.
Psalm 85:2 "You forgave the guilt of your people, yes, you covered all their sins. You held back your fury . You kept back your blazing anger."
This is such a great verse for me to read this morning as I go into this day thinking ahead to kid's club tonight. This is the theme of my talk with the kids. That our sin makes God sad, not mad, yes, our stubborn rejection of His love and truths and our willful rebellion does make him mad, but his promises to us, his covenant to us, stands, because HE is faithful. yes, He will punish willfull disobedient sin, but because of His great love for us we are not consumed. What a wonderful and gracious God we serve!
Jeremiah 25. Wow. This is what my club lesson was about last night. God's unconditional love and God's righteous anger and justice. It's hard for us to understand how both of those can go hand in hand but they do. He is just and He does punish us for our unrepentant stubborn refusal to submit to His ways because He loves us and knows that our ways lead to death and misery.
Ezekiel 17. Hope. As desperate and awful as things ever get, in scripture, in history, in everyday life. Hope is the rope we cling to as the waves threaten to engulf us. The hope of redemption, the hope of restoration, the hope of eternity righted and peace and joy and all things being made beautiful.
Matthew 25. Today is my day of solitude so I have all the time in the day to sit here with my latte and my bible and my thoughts. I love this day. This chapter is one that I could go on and on about all day, too... stuff that excites me so much and stuff that is so often (I believe) not fully comprehended because our culture lacks understanding of some of the most basic Israeli customs that make the chapter so much easier to understand.
I love passages that touch on the Jewish wedding system, they are such a beautiful foreshadowing of our own relationship with Christ, how we were chosen, bought, are being sanctified and how one day our groom will be announced, will appear to claim us, and take us to the home he has prepared for us.
about the talents. I love that that word has such a double meaning. In this passage it is referring to money and symbolizing gifts, but for us today that word really does mean our gifts.
What talents have I been given? How am I investing them? I would say my talents are a passion for learning and a gift for teaching. I seek to foster these talents by taking time to both learn and teach. Time in the word each day, time being enriched by literature and history and biographies and the marvels of math and science that all show the intricacies and awesomeness of our creator God and by passionately passing on my enthusiasm to my kids, my friends, and the world at large.
Namely, doing what I love and being who I am to the glory of God.
Jude 23 Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment.
That really leaped out at me after the sunday school lesson yesterday. One of the quotes from Sunday school was about if people go to hell, it should be they have to jump over our body, barring their way, and that our arms should be wrapped around their legs trying to pull them back. This just hammered that home for me. Praying for a heart of courage and passion for the lost.
We are reading our way through the bible one chapter per day. The idea behind my personal reading plan is to read through books chronologically, but not solely one book at a time. Thus on Monday we read from the books of the law, Tuesday the books of kings and judges, Wednesday the books of Jewish History, Thursday Books of Wisdom, Friday the Prophets, Saturday the Gospels and Sunday the Epistles. The next Monday we pick up at the chapter we left off in ancient history. You may think that this would be disjointed and would cause you to "lose your groove" but I have found the contrary to be true, the threads of promise, redemption and grace show up more clearly as I make my way slowly through these books in a parrallel fashion and when I pick up where I left off a week before I am reminded of things that stood out to me from last week's reading. Journaling is a big part of my processing scripture and fixing particular tidbits in my mind for the purpose of life application. I would love to have you join me!
Basic Reading Plan
Mon (Law): Genesis-Joshua
Tues (Rulers): Judges-Chronicles
Wed (History): Ezra-Psalms
Thurs (Wisdom): Prov-Jer
Fri (Prophets): Lam-Malachi
Sat (Gospels): Matthew-Acts
Sun (Epistles) Romans-Revelation.
The theme I have given each section is general. Joshua is not a book of the law and Psalms is not a book of history. The main chunk of reading in each section is, however, suitably classified as the theme it is under. In order to make the sections even out to have the same general number of books/chapters, this was the closest I could come. Otherwise one would be reading through certain sections (like the Law) for instance, much more often than the wisdom books, etc.
(Fellowship is) an expression of both love and humility. [It] springs from a desire to bring benefit to others, coupled with a sense of personal weakness and need. It has a double motive – the wish to help, and to be helped; to edify, and to be edified. It has a double aim – to do, and to receive, good. It is a seeking by Christian people to know God better through sharing with each other what, individually, they have learned of Him already. J.I. Packer.
A few introductory words of encouragement....
Think of your time feeding on God's Word as a vital aspect of your health and wellness. You wouldn't go a week without brushing your teeth, or eating physical food, don't treat the nourishing of your soul by the Word of God with any less care.
Don't cram multiple chapters if you fall behind of plan, but *do* "back-read" if you have the passion and earnest desire to do so. My habit if I miss a chapter is usually to leave it until that book comes up again the next week (based on my own reading plan) and then read two consecutive chapters rather than the one I am scheduled to read.
Don't be legalistic about the when and how. If you don't get a quiet time in the morning, THAT'S OKAY. Find a moment in the afternoon to grab a drink, sit down and put your feet up, and soak up a chapter. And if that doesn't happen, THAT'S OKAY. Take 15-20 minutes at the end of the day to plump some pillows up in your bed and soak it up before you go to sleep. And if that doesn't happen, IT'S OKAY. Tomorrow is a new day. Don't let the enemy discourage you from spending time in the word TODAY because you didn't YESTERDAY. That's just dumb. Did you get that? DUMB.
If you don't have time to read, meditate. Allow God to bring a passage of scripture to mind and allow yourself to listen. Take time to be quiet in your spirit. While you are washing dishes, folding laundry, vacuuming... cleaning bathrooms.
Spruce things up. Get yourself a PRETTY journal and jot down little things that stand out to you. Use your favourite mug or a pretty glass to pour your favourite drink. Sit in your favourite spot (this could change from day to day and depending on the time of day you read. A sunny spot on the porch in the morning, a wing back chair and a blanket if it's chilly, a garden swing in the shade on a hot afternoon, or plumped up in bed with soft lamplight in the evening. Again, don't be legalistic about the location, pick a happy spot that fits the moment/opportunity.) Oh, and DON'T wait for the pretty journal. Plain lined notepaper or even a crumpled scrap paper will work just FINE until you get one....
Remember while you read, God's word is FOR YOU. yes, it was written to a particular audience in a particular time in history and for a particular reason. But it was also written with YOU in mind, TODAY in mind, and is designed to give you strength and wisdom for the journey.
Claim ONE part of the passage and take it to heart. Read through the chapter without too much introspection at first and see what part most stands out to you. Go back and look at that part more specifically and ask yourself what is in there for YOU?
Ask relevant questions. I usually look at a passage with 2 questions in mind. 1. What does this passage tell me about God's character? 2. What does this passage tell me about humanity (ie, ME, in relation to God? a final and very important question to ask is "What does this passage require of me on a practical level?" Write down one attitude, practice or truth you want you live out TODAY in light of what God has just revealed to you. This is how we take ownership of the Word of God and allow it to relate to us and shape us on a personal level.
Build yourself a monument. As I ponder a passages relevance to me I journal the thoughts that arise. Jotting them down somehow cements my convictions in my mind, almost like laying out stones in a monument so I can go back to that place later and be reminded. I also use those notes to come here and share my thoughts later with others.
Keep your actual quiet time concise. This will help make it more likely the habit will continue to happen on a regular basis. Better to spend 15 minutes in the word daily, than 1 hour once a week.
Don't require absolute "alone" and uninterrupted time (without kids around). If they are around, they can learn to not interrupt you for 15 minutes, just like you spend time with other people when they are around, you can spend time with the Lord with them around too.
Think of God’s Word as a love letter to you. When you read stories of God’s wrath in the Old Testament, think about WHAT love paid the price for all that wrath and how a hand that once smote anyone who dared touch the ark of His covenant now beckons YOU to draw near to the throne of grace. Read everything in light of who God is and how much He loves mankind that in spite of our being so deprived, His love story reaches out, encompasses us, washes us clean, and seeks to draw us near.
May you seek Him, may He be found by you, and may you be blessed on the journey.
6 comments:
1 Sam 31. notes from the LAB "Saul was tall, handsome, strong, rich and powerful but all of this was not enough to make him someone we should emulate. He was tall physically, but he was small in god's eyes. He was handsome, but his sin made him ugly. He was strong but his lack of faith made him weak. He was rich but he was spiritually bankrupt, he could give orders to many but he couldn't command their respect or allegiance. He looked good on the outside but he was decaying on the inside. A right relationship with God and a strong character are much more valuable than a good looking exterior."
This resonated with me today. I can relate to this but from the opposite end of the coin. I have always been very concerned with character and right relationship, to a point of such intensity (an intensity that I carry over into everything I am passionate about) that I really struggled with the balance of caring for the "exterior". In some ways, due to my upbringing (I had a mom who wanted to keep me as plain and unattractive as possible because she feared a future of promiscuity on my part like she had on hers), and also due to her comments about other people (regarding vanity, shallowness, and obsession with externals) I grew up with this underlying feeling that it was sinful to be so pretty that people noticed you. May sound crazy but it's true.
And then, as a low self esteem developed for me, it snowballed. I felt self conscious, therefore I ate disappeared into the world of books to self medicate, and of course the weight continued to pile on and the self esteem continued to go down. This has been the story of my life.
But God has recently been teaching me to love myself. The way He made me, whether I'm overweight or not... I need to love myself now. I used to think loving oneself was sinful too.... but now I realize it is essential to a healthy and purposeful life. It's crazy how long it takes to learn these life lessons!
The other thing that I am learning is that if I am going to love myself I need to take pride in myself. Not a sinful pride, but a healthy, confident, satisfied, I am happy with the choices I am making kind of pride, and I need to respect myself enough to nurture my beauty. I recently read that "being well dressed is the nicest form of politeness." and I just found that inspiring and beautiful! I realized that there are many very different ways to look at it as just plain old "vain and shallow and consumed exteriors". (of course it seems silly that I couldn't see that before, but that's how it is when convictions are planted in your head at a vulnerable age).
The other thing that I am seeing is that I have less fear of being noticed when I feel presentable and lovely. Then I don't MIND being noticed, but normally I live in absolute anxiety of being noticed because I feel so horrid and ashamed of myself.
I got all fancied up for Valentines day in formal wear and fancy hair. This is a tradition of ours, we eat a fancy meal by candlelight and then dance together, drink some wine and watch a romantic movie. This Valentines my husband said the only gift he wanted from me was to see me like that more often. That really clinched this whole journey I've been on. So my gift to him is to embrace my femininity, nurture it and practice this form of politeness to him, myself and the world. :)
Like I said, opposite side of the coin from Saul's experience, but this is mine.
Psalm 85:2 "You forgave the guilt of your people, yes, you covered all their sins. You held back your fury . You kept back your blazing anger."
This is such a great verse for me to read this morning as I go into this day thinking ahead to kid's club tonight. This is the theme of my talk with the kids. That our sin makes God sad, not mad, yes, our stubborn rejection of His love and truths and our willful rebellion does make him mad, but his promises to us, his covenant to us, stands, because HE is faithful. yes, He will punish willfull disobedient sin, but because of His great love for us we are not consumed. What a wonderful and gracious God we serve!
Jeremiah 25. Wow. This is what my club lesson was about last night. God's unconditional love and God's righteous anger and justice. It's hard for us to understand how both of those can go hand in hand but they do. He is just and He does punish us for our unrepentant stubborn refusal to submit to His ways because He loves us and knows that our ways lead to death and misery.
Ezekiel 17. Hope. As desperate and awful as things ever get, in scripture, in history, in everyday life. Hope is the rope we cling to as the waves threaten to engulf us. The hope of redemption, the hope of restoration, the hope of eternity righted and peace and joy and all things being made beautiful.
Matthew 25. Today is my day of solitude so I have all the time in the day to sit here with my latte and my bible and my thoughts. I love this day. This chapter is one that I could go on and on about all day, too... stuff that excites me so much and stuff that is so often (I believe) not fully comprehended because our culture lacks understanding of some of the most basic Israeli customs that make the chapter so much easier to understand.
I love passages that touch on the Jewish wedding system, they are such a beautiful foreshadowing of our own relationship with Christ, how we were chosen, bought, are being sanctified and how one day our groom will be announced, will appear to claim us, and take us to the home he has prepared for us.
http://messianicfellowship.50webs.com/wedding.html
about the talents. I love that that word has such a double meaning. In this passage it is referring to money and symbolizing gifts, but for us today that word really does mean our gifts.
What talents have I been given? How am I investing them? I would say my talents are a passion for learning and a gift for teaching. I seek to foster these talents by taking time to both learn and teach. Time in the word each day, time being enriched by literature and history and biographies and the marvels of math and science that all show the intricacies and awesomeness of our creator God and by passionately passing on my enthusiasm to my kids, my friends, and the world at large.
Namely, doing what I love and being who I am to the glory of God.
Jude 23 Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment.
That really leaped out at me after the sunday school lesson yesterday. One of the quotes from Sunday school was about if people go to hell, it should be they have to jump over our body, barring their way, and that our arms should be wrapped around their legs trying to pull them back. This just hammered that home for me. Praying for a heart of courage and passion for the lost.
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